Friday, December 7, 2007


I keep getting the tower card in tarot readings related to 'Racing Daylight" and distribution. I think it's no secret that I steer by these arcane rudders; astrology, tarot .... I use to be embarassed by these rituals, hiding them away as secret practices. But after consideration I figure that these are centuries old systems which, when used as guidance tools rather than predictive ones, are as effective to analyze a set of circumstances as a 'blackle' search, and for me, infintely more satisfying. Once you crest certain age hurdles, odd predilictions change categorizing from frightening to eccentric, and one generally cares less about the opinions of others.

My mother gave me my first set of tarot cards when I was 14. She said I was 'ready to learn how to control my gifts', and that's all the guidance she gave me in this arena, except to offer me several books on the subject as companion to my deck. An interesting contrast to the Convent School where she sent me to be trained in other esoterica. I never thought to ask what those gifts were, I was a teenager then, and what could she possibly know or understand about me?

Rider-Waite, that was the brand of card she gave me. My mother had a very fancy gilt-edged, almost icon-like, deck of her own, which I never saw again after that day. Maybe I was supposed to carry on the tradition of card reading and she would retire hers, though I do remember her putting together juju and gris-gris bags in later years which were a bit darker in intention, but I had learned not to ask questions about her motives. I found a Rider-Waite deck, wrapped in silk, in her lingerie drawer when I cleared it out after she died.

The deck I use now was inherited from Barbara Lehmann, a close friend with whom I had attended U.C. Berkeley. She died when we were 37. Her passing changed my living. Barbabra had survived Hotckins disease at the age of 13 with huge doses of radiation administered at Stanford Medical Center. It seems the radiation which saved her would also give her the fist sized schwannoma at the base of her spine which caused her so much distress that she dropped dead. The cause of her suffering only diagnosed post mortem. She actually died of an arythmia, like a toruture victim who just shuts down when it all becomes too much.

Barbara haunted me for a short time after her passing. That was my first visit from someone who was dead that I actually knew, and that's when I knew for certain there was life beyond death, or, that I was truly insane. I have opted for the first interpretation.

But back to the tower card. I wasn't sure what it meant in relation to my issue. It is a frightening looking card with lightening bolts blasting a stone tower, an impenetrable fortress. The interpretation is always, old systems crashing down, fear of change, holding onto the past. I couldn't get my brain to fathom its meaning in relation to my questions and concerns.

But now, all of a sudden it makes a sense to me. The WGA strike has encouraged my understanding of how it all works and why we're all trying to divide up this new pie BEFORE it takes root and becomes the new system. The old way and models of distribution, the studio stronghold is the tower, and it's all about to change. The advent of this new electronic age when more control, responsibility, is given to the individual ... structures are scrambling for control of the new while still searching for the 'sure things' of the old model ... but they don't really work anymore. Change is imminent, is upon us, is an opportunity!

The tower card cautions one to release the old and encourages a willingness to embrace the new, or be crushed under the toppling stones. Such good and sound advice that. So our strategies are changing to accomodate the new and interesting and unknown. The digital. The new models are nebulous, there's an opportunity to be creative, to take it to the niche rather than asking them to find us. Exciting this!

They say, in tarot, that once you accept the 'hard' cards as opportunities, walking your path is easier. Onward!

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